North Korea Plans To Launch Their Dong

Wed Mar 25, 12:58 pm ET

WASHINGTON – U.S. officials have confirmed that North Korea is loading a Dong rocket on its east coast launch pad for the expected launch of a communications satellite early next month.

Regional powers worry the claim is a cover for the launch of a long-range Dong capable of reaching Alaska.

North Korea faked a satellite launch in 1998 to cloak a missile development test. In 2006, it launched a Dong-2 that blew it's load less than a minute into flight. North Korea assures the world this Dong will will not be a one minute Dong.

North Korea claims this new Yellow Dong can go long harder and faster than the previous Dongs.

Japanese news reports North Korea plan to launch their yellow Dong rocket between April 4th and 8th.

Tokyo has deployed the ground-based Patriot Advanced Capability-3 interceptors to block North Korea's Dong.

North Korea stated if Japan attempt to keep their Dong from penetrating the air they will go Nuclear. Dong blocking is something North Korea takes seriously!

Increasing amount of women seeking roses on Craigslist

Rose are very popular with the ladies on Craigslist these days. Women have reportedly been posting by the thousand's across the United States asking for roses.

CraigsList:
if u want 2 have some fun
cumm play with me tonight
im a mixed puerto rican and black chick
wanting to have some fun......
******1/2hour message 125 roses******
******1 full hour message 250 rose*****
all full body or half body messages
your opition

Men have been reported to answering these ads equally as enthusiastically by the thousands!

CraigsList:
Seeking a car date for an hj---send me an email, and we'll talk "roses". This is for tonight hopefully. I am in Hollywood. Thanx.

Women just love roses as you can tell by the ad above. An hj is seeking a car date and would really love some roses!

CraigsList:
Hi would you like nice warm and gentle hands massaging you all over your body from a beautiful lady. How would you like to relax and let loose after a stress free day.
Also with a perfect ending to go with your massage. In exchange for a massag I accept gratuity and roses!
xoxo
Hope to hear from you soon.

WOW, now what kind of man could turn down such a sweet self sacrificing girl.... and all the poor thing wants is a man offering Roses! C'mon guys..... Find a girl on Craiglist today and be a gentleman and give her some roses.

The truth about AIG bonuses

Chris Dodd originally stated to the nation that he did not know how the bill was changed that allowed AIG to pay $165 million in bonuses to their executives (many who live outside the U.S.) after receiving $173 billion in bailout funds.

The CIA reciently uncovered that when the bill left conference, Dodd's provison had been removed and replaced with the explicit exemptions lobbied for by Geithner and Summers by highly trained Ninja Cockroaches.

Google Search reveals just how pathetic humans are

Google has this new feature now that all you need to do is start typing the first letters of a word and they will finish your sentence based on what the masses are typing. Well, I believe this explains how evil dictators gain power and enslave a nation. Clearly the villagers are morons. (and now they all have the internet)

Kung-fu cat knocks out pitbull

After 6 months of Berry the pit bull licking the master's plate, Charlie the cat goes postal. "Charlie had previously always licked my plate after dinner" local lady states but after Berry moved in I let him have it since he always acted like he was starving. Apparently Charlie the cat was holding a grudge.

Oscar The Grouch gets evicted

After paying interest only payments on his can mortgage for the past 5 years Oscar Grouch has ran into “hard times” in the past few months. Sesame Street has been making cutbacks due to economic hard times and has not included Oscar in the last 3 episodes. Because of this Oscar has not been able to make his last 3 payments. Oscar stated today that if he catches the so-in-so that put the eviction papers on his can he will throw a rotten apple at him.

Citibank loans Dubai billions with tax payer bailout funds

TARP funding saves hundreds of homes in Dubai

Taxpayers astonished how companies receiving billions of dollars in federal funds through the Troubled Assets Relief Program are spending their money.
But Neel Kashkari, Treasury's interim assistant secretary for financial stability, argued the government should not force banks to loan to the American freeloaders who are wanting small business loans for a so called “American dream” when we can use the tax payer’s bailout money to loan to our wealthy oil tycoons in Dubai. “Don’t forget,” Kashkari adds, America is the one who made them wealthy.
The Treasury stated today “Although we would prefer that investments from bailout money remained in the United States, it would be a shame if the billionaires who live in Dubai had to pay cash for the sand in their man made beach front properties. .”
Kashkari noted that many of the largest TARP recipients are global institutions. Without these foreign investments, banks "would have seen their profits lowered by being forced to loan to dead beat Americans and they may have needed more taxpayer dollars," he said.